Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, ‘I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’
The second responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.’
The third surgeon says, ‘No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’
The fourth surgeon chimes in, ‘You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.’
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, ‘You’re all wrong. Violinists are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts – the mouth and the arsehole – and they are interchangeable’.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist’s head is so much bigger.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A fiddle is fun to listen to.
Why are viola jokes so short?
So violinists can understand them.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What do a violin and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Why doesn’t anyone ever compliment a violin player?
Because everyone knows that the real instruments deserve all the compliments.
How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
The bow is moving.
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